Thoughts on Suffering and Blessings

Self-focus, impatience, and sin are what I believe to be the three top reasons we don't receive the blessings that we pray for. We could have all the faith in the world and still not receive because of these three issues in ourselves.

Self-focus I believe is such a big one. Life is hard, and it puts us all into survival mode - every man for himself! We get fixated on our own needs. We grasp. Our hand is like a tight fist. One image I always have in my mind is a little child with a sweaty, dirty piece of candy that he is gripping onto for dear life. At the same time, he wants more candy. His parent wants to take away that yucky candy and give him a fresh piece, but the child refuses to open his hand and give the candy up so he can receive the new one. We may not feel like we have much to give others, but we always have something more than someone else. I feel my mentality should be that everything I have doesn't actually belong to me. I must have an open hand at all times. If I am blessed, it is so I can bless others through it - whether that be through my free time or my resources. I have begun to see that the more I don't worry about what I do or don't have, the more He has blessed me. My goal in life is no longer to succeed so I can have a family and fulfill my dreams and live in comfort, but rather to work hard and give my excess to those around me.

When we are in a self-focused mindset, we also can have our hearts set on things that we don't actually need. I believe God gives generously to those who have learned contentment and faithfulness with the little things - not selfishly wanting their own increase, but desiring only the basic necessities and when having extra, even if it's not much, sharing whatever blessing they have with their community.

James 4:3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. 

Acts 4:32-35 Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. 

1 Timothy 6:6-10 But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. 

I don't believe that we can't have our dreams of doing or owning certain things, but I do think that these things will always be out of our grasp if our heart's desire for them is based on the idea of building our own little empire that doesn't benefit our community in any way.

Impatience is the next one. We all know what it is to go into panic mode. Uncertainty is terrifying. I've been going through these ups and downs ever since leaving Brazil, never knowing what will come next in life. I knew this was what I would face when I left Brazil and was loathe to leave the security of not wondering, but how can we ever learn to have faith if we don't learn patience in uncertainty, if we're not ready to let go of the known and travel with trust into the unknown? I have this idea in my head that everything needs to happen right when I think it should - instead of trusting that God knows the best timing for everything. I've seen over and over again how He can bring provision in an instant from a place I was least expecting, yet, every time the test comes, my flesh impatiently strives against the unknown. My spirit could be calm and KNOW He will provide, but the flesh insists on ruling, the heart beats faster, the nerves lose it. Often times we end up making hasty decisions that we later regret or turn to dependance on "solutions" that lead to bondage, when if we had just waited for God to open the right door, everything would've turned out.

Sin of course is the biggest cause of all suffering and lack of blessing, and probably the first two issues fall inside this one. Every one of us has some form of sin in our lives. Bitterness, anger, lust, addictions, doubting, grumbling, willfulness, recklessness, dishonesty, laziness, fear, etc.

Are you feeling forsaken by God? Do you struggle with infirmities and have seen no healing or relief? I used to really not like the idea that if something bad is happening to you, that automatically means that you have done something bad. While I still don't believe this is the way to approach suffering in our lives exactly, I have begun to understand suffering better since coming to Torah observance and realizing that sin is the cause of suffering.

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days...

No where does scripture suggest that His grace and atonement gives us license to sin and not bear the repercussions of it.

John 5:14  Afterward Jesus found [the lame man He had healed] in the temple and said to him, “See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you.” 

The Suffering Tree illustrates that not all sin is "our fault." Just because we are suffering doesn't mean we've done something wrong and God is punishing us. I don't see God as a punisher of the His people. He punishes the wicked because they have forsaken Him, but He disciplines those who love Him. If we don't care to follow His instructions, we are stepping out from under His blessing. It is us who are punishing ourselves. For example, our bodies are His temple. It is our responsibility to care for them. Sometimes we don't do so great a job at that because we are ignorant on how to care for them, but sometimes, we are willfully damaging ourselves because we want to do things our own way. To sin knowingly is to invite uncleanliness into His Temple. The body cannot contain it. Healing comes from a longing to obey Him, care for His temple, and most importantly, faith. I 100% believe the best way to receive healing is through repentance, forgiveness, and faith. We have fallen so far away from the miraculous healings that were promised to us His people because we have turned to secular reasoning for the cause of illnesses rather than just admitting that we have sinned and allowed the curse of sin to afflict us.

I believe if you are in a season of suffering, it is important to evaluate your life and your actions, and I hope this "Suffering Tree" graphic (see below) that I put together can be helpful for that. Not all suffering is because of our own mistakes. Sometimes it is because of other people's sin (in terms of health it could be environmental), sometimes it is tribulation that we are called to endure, and sometimes it is something God allowed to happen to us so that His power and miraculous glory could be shown through us.

John 9:2,3 And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him..."

So to summarize, one of the most important things I've realized is that blessing is not a one-way street. It should pour out of our cups into the cups beneath us. This is why community is fundamental to a blessed life. If you isolate yourselves, you are closing up your hand and limiting your blessing. I am continually seeing in my own life, the more I pour into others, the more Abba pours into me. Not all of us can easily access good community, and sometimes online community is the only thing we can pour into for a season, but whatever it takes, keep seeking and praying for that community. Don't give up! A body isn't a body without the head, arms, and legs.