You Can't Separate From Abuse

“You can’t separate from an abusive marriage because marriage is for life.” This is what teachers are telling people in many churches today.

If every teacher who tells a woman to just endure through her husband’s abuse were forced to live in her place for a year and experience everything she does, I am sure they would change their teaching before the end of that period.

It’s wrong to me how teachers will tell women they are sinning to separate from an abusive/neglectful man. They focus on her and what she ought to do when they should actually be doing everything in their power to hold the man accountable if they really see themselves as an authority who can teach others. A real teacher/counsellor shepherds and protects the weak. Imagine a ram that won’t leave the little lambs alone, keeps hitting them and chasing them around. You’d do something about that ram! You wouldn’t be focused on teaching the lambs how not to provoke the ram. But now “shepherds” would rather sit behind computer screens and counsel the little lambs on what they ought to be doing to help the ram. The excuse for counselling the wives to be responsible instead of the men is that these men aren’t likely to listen to counsel. But in reality these teachers just don’t want the hard job of protecting the weak and confronting an angry man. So they force the lambs to stick it out with hopes maybe the rams will listen to the lambs instead of the shepherd… What really frustrates me is that counsellors are using scripture to make women believe this is their duty, when God never puts this burden on women.

I do believe in marriage for life. But I also believe that when that marriage is desecrating a woman’s life, then the law of God commands that her life be protected above that law of marriage. Jesus taught that when one law conflicts with another law, the law that preserves health and life rules.

Protect the weak, counsellors. A wife separating from an abusive or neglectful man is in accordance with God’s merciful law. And a real counsellor who has no power to address the husband and hold him accountable, that counsellor will help the woman to get to safety, not instruct her to keep submitting to neglect or abuse. Abba is very clear on standing up for the weak and confronting the abusers. But today, the counsellors are taking part in the abuse of the flock by neglecting to teach the merciful side of God’s word.

Matthew 23:4 They tie up heavy loads, hard to carry, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves aren’t willing to lift a finger to move them.

Ezekiel 34:2-4 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy, and say to them, even to the shepherds, Thus says the Lord GOD: Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep? You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat ones, but you do not feed the sheep. The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them.

Ezekiel 34:20-22 “Therefore, thus says the Lord GOD to them: Behold, I, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. Because you push with side and shoulder, and thrust at all the weak with your horns, till you have scattered them abroad, I will rescue my flock; they shall no longer be a prey. And I will judge between sheep and sheep.

Isaiah 1:17 Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.

Psalm 82:3–4 Defend the poor and fatherless, do justice to the afflicted and needy, and deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

Psalm 11:5 God’s soul hates the one who loves violence.

Matthew 12:5-7,11,12 Or have you not read in the Law how on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath and are guiltless? I tell you, something greater than the temple is here. And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless … He said to them, “Which one of you who has a sheep, if it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will not take hold of it and lift it out? Of how much more value is a man than a sheep! So it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.”

The following verses are concerning the wellbeing of slaves. How much more so should a free woman be given the right to safety?

Ezekiel 21:26,27 If a man strikes the eye of his male or female slave and destroys it, he must let him go free for the sake of his eyesight. If he strikes out his slave’s tooth, he must let him go free for the sake of his tooth.

Exodus 21:10,11 If that son marries another woman, he must not deprive the first wife of food, clothes, or sex. If he doesn’t give her these three things, she can go free, without paying any money for her freedom.

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, especially those in his own house, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

- The Pondering Painter